The Struggle

So, I tried. I really did. I meant to write a post today on the steps I’m taking on my glory filled path to supreme organization and voiceover domination. But I couldn’t. Just couldn’t control the thoughts.

My goal, as much as I ever have one, was to break down all of the things I wanted to achieve into baby steps. I’m thinking that if I take the end results I wish to have and back them out, I’ll be able to plot the steps I need to take in order to achieve them.

And cluster the tasks. I’m big on this idea. If I can stack all of the related tasks into one slightly larger task, then I can turn those stacks/piles/heaps into routines. I need me some routines. Routines are like having an autopilot switch. You can just turn that routine on and off you go until it’s complete.

This, loose as it is, was my plan for today. Collect the data, turn it into routines, get busy.

Then this happened. I started making lists. Which went off the rails fast. In the absence of having anything constructive rattling around in my head, I’ve decided to just share my lists with you so that you can feel some sympathy for my condition.

And here they are, in their unedited glory:

These are the questions I’m grappling with today:

– What do I need to do in studio?
– What do I need to do inside of the house?
– Why won’t Jake eat breakfast?
– How do I get cast as an animated celebrity’s talking va-ja-jay on an Adult Swim cartoon?
– Is it strange that being a talking vagina is my ultimate work ambition?
– Who cares if it’s strange?
– These are not helpful questions.
– Ah, fuck it. Let’s move onto the things that keep me from working:

Things that keep me from working:

– I have a four-year-old
– I’m lazy
– My four-year-old is a boy
– We have two other businesses that require my attention to some degree every day
– Laundry
– Boy children are nut burgers
– Dishes
– Dog hair retrieval
– Legos
– Candy Crush
– Donald FUCKING Trump
– Laundry
– Why is my son inside the washing machine?
– Does listening to Alice in Chains cause me to use physically menacing terms like “wrestling” and “grappling?” Would I write “hugging” and “smoochy-pants” if I were listening to the B52’s?
– I wonder where Denise is these days. You could always tell what music she’d been listening to by her makeup. B52’s meant purple and pink dots, silver eyeliner. Black lipstick was a sign of Bauhaus. I miss Denise.
– Imma re-read that meditation book.
– Meditation is hard. Sitting still is hard. So’s the floor. I need more comfortable flip flops.
– Would it be reasonable to have a cigarette now?
– Fuck reasonable.
– I do need more tea and tea is in the same general vicinity as the smoking porch.
– Sure is hot outside though.
– And if I get near the porch, I will also be near the laundry, which means, oh hell, I still have more laundry to do.
– And I can’t forget to go to the store – gotta get pizza and a movie for tonight.
– Jake wants to see Lego Batman. It’ll be great. Great. Whoop.
– Oh god, another Trump tweet.
– Shit’s like Pavlov’s dogs – Trump tweets, I twitch.
– I wonder if there’s a class action suit against Trump yet for all of the emotional distress he’s causing. I’m in if they file one. I have receipts.
– “Original Sin” is a really great INXS song.
– Yes, definitely going to go smoke.
– I don’t know why Google chose to combine Alice in Chains and INXS greatest hits into one playlist but it’s working.
– Google does know everything.
– Google knows EVERYTHING.
– I should worry a bit more about that stuff.
– Let me just check with Alexa.
– Snort. See what I did?
– Then again, not so funny. I say a lot of inappropriate things. And I sing all the time. If someone is listening I am profoundly embarrassed about the singing.
– Man. Now I’m paranoid.
– Maybe I should just go to the store.
– I’ll do that. Go to the store. Buy things.
– Shouldn’t I be working? This is not working. This is vomiting words.
– Don’t pressure yourself so much. Word vomit was hugely successful for Kerouac.
– Oh fer fucks sake – another Trump tweet? I can’t stand it.
– Crap, Celia said not to get political in these things. But, but, but . . .
– She’s right.
– But.
– Still right.
– Fine. No politics.
– Come on now. Focus. Make one tiny plan out of all of this. Surely we can come up with one tiny baby step toward world domination.
– By the way, when I am in charge of the world, people who don’t put away their shopping carts in the parking lot corrals will have their heads lopped off immediately.
– Yes, I know that Karyn doesn’t always put her cart away but I do love her immensely and so will regret lopping off her head.
– Probably shouldn’t threaten to lop off your best friend’s head.
– True, but she should probably put her cart back and avoid the lopping.
– You know what else is keeping me from working?
– Lists.
– Dammit.

Drop off child, go to the grocery store, take the dog to the vet, get drugs for the other dog, where the fuck is the cat, laundry, what color are the floors really supposed to be anyway, laundry, hit the post office, don’t forget the bank – oh hell, or to pick up the prescriptions from the pharmacy, laundry, husband needs my feedback about his business, tell husband my feedback is the same as it always is – fire the asshole and manage your time better, laundry, dishes, pick up the child, make dinner, clean up after dinner, make sure the child is clean, settle for making sure the child smells clean, put child to bed, put child back to bed, get child more milk, beat self up for disobeying the dentist and allowing child to have milk before bed, put child back to bed with sugar from milk pooling around his teeth, fret about future dentist bills, sit down, watch news, freak out about news, play games on phone to distract from the news, go to bed, read, fall asleep.

Repeat as necessary.

Oh yeah, somewhere in there I should also be doing 20 auditions a day, working on that audiobook that I accepted in a moment of weakness and haven’t started despite the fact that the deadline is already behind me, marketing, working with my acting coach, schmoozing my agents, blogging, shooting short funny videos, sparkling on social media and reveling in the joy of being my own boss.

Easy, right?

Yeah, I know, I’m tired just looking at it. And living it. Here’s the ironic part – I actually get paid money to teach people how to manage their busy lives and businesses. I know exactly how to manage all of this stuff. I’ve got tons of tricks and tips that really, really work.

For you. For me, not so much.

So what to do? Well, for starters, time to take a breath or two. Maybe three. Probably not four – who has time for that? But at least two. Let’s do that.

Better? A smidge? I hear you. It takes practice. But it does get a little easier if you just breathe.

Now that our brains are bit more oxygenated, what are we going to do about the craziness in our lives that’s preventing us from doing what we need or want to do? How do we manage all of this? And how did I drag you into all of this? Who says you have a problem with time management?

You did, you’re reading this helpfully titled post about basic time management. Sucker. So what are you going to do about the slightly controlled chaos that is your life?

Keep breathing. This is not the freakout point.

This is the freakout point.

We’re going to stop doing the things that someone else can do better or easier or faster and start doing the things that only we can do. And we – by this I really mean me, I don’t know what you’re going to do – are going to start walking our talk, practicing what we preach, living our own examples. (Insert additional cliches here if you need them. Personally, I think three is plenty but it’s your game too. Do what you gotta do.)

Are you ready? Here it is. I quit.

Quit what? My acting career? My family? My dentist?

Nope. I’m going to quit the main thread of that overly long first sentence/paragraph. I’m done freaking out. No more worrying. No more stress over baby teeth which, let’s be honest, are a practice set anyway. No more angst over the news and politics and the world. Instead, I’m just going to breathe. Then I’ll breathe some more and then, and only then, I’m going to do the things that only I can do.

And Imma do the shit out of them.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Ok, this focus thing is really hey lookit the butterfly

Time Management 101